He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize