her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
