so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
