you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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