He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
