I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
