I need help removing her.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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