Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
