Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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