smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
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And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
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