The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
