You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize