in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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