Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize