God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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