You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
