he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
