I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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