I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
