Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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