I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
sex in a hospital.. check
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
