Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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