Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
