You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
