someone threw a dead crab at me
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
