I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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