Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
