u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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