3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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