if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
NoShamevember. You game?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
