great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
