Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
