so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
