god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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