I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
