Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
being pregnant is like rehab
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
