he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
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All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
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I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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