Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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