Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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