oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
This baby is an asshole
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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