You smell like a Billy Joel song
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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