The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
