Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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