Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
