I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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