I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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