CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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