So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
