take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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