omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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