I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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