Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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