coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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