I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
