The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize