if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
