dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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